To Mason, On Her Birthday.

In the past, I have never been particularly mindful of dates. 

Truthfully, I'm not very good at remembering most dates...but since Mason's passing, July 31st has been branded into my brain.

I think I have wanted to hurry the grief cycle- to just get through it quickly and some how everything would be ok. But I've been crying all week knowing that this day was coming. I even took the day off from work because I thought the crushing sadness would just overtake me.

Last night, I laid in bed and began to journal, writing Mason a letter. Of course, I told her that I missed her terribly. I also told her that I was scared. 

The last few months have been crappy. After Mason's passing, life has not exactly been smooth sailing. 

I've never been one of those people who ever wanted to go back in time and do something over again. I've always been the "keep moving forward" type of person. But in moving forward more crap kept happening.

So, as I'm writing this letter to Mason, telling her all of this, I remembered the time we went to Pigeon Forge.

Trace and Mase in Pigeon Forge.

I really hate haunted houses, but (for who knows why) we went to the scariest haunted house I've ever been to.

It was completely dark and we had to put our hand on the shoulder of the person in front of us. The person at the front of the line had to put their hand against the side of the wall and kind of feel their way out. Guess who was at the front of the line?

There were 3 men in the back...really?!

So, terrified, I keep moving forward. We stopped at one point and I couldn't tell the direction. It was like the room was curved or something and I froze in fear.

***Now, many of you who are not terrified of haunted houses would say: Tracy, you know that nothing in there is real, right? So there is nothing to be afraid of. Nevertheless...I was terrified.***

I remember hearing Mason ask, "Do you want one of these guys to come up here?" I said yes. She asked behind her...and no one bit. Either they were chickens...or this really was terrifying. 

It was at this moment I thought: This is terrifying and I can either stay right here and continue to be terrified by what is around me, or I can take one step in front of the other and get the hell out of here.

I chose to get the hell out of there.

I choose the word hell on purpose, because it felt like I was in hell. Demons and goblins screeching, something hairy to the right (I still have no idea what that was)...

I prayed, was given an extra dose of bravery, and got the hell out of hell.

When we finally got out, I sat in Mason's car and shook...and continued shaking for a good half hour.

Back to the letter...

I told Mason that I was stuck again. It felt like hell (or the haunted house) all over again. She was gone and there was a lot of scary life happening all around me.

I could almost hear her say: "You can't get stuck here Trace."

A rush of anger knowing that she was gone ignited me, and in an instant of sudden reality, I realized something I thought I already knew.

God- no amount of me being angry, stomping my feet, screaming at You, is going to bring Mason back. She will not walk up my sidewalk and if I call her phone she will not answer.

I wept.

I talked with friend last week who told me that Mason would stay with me. She didn't mean it in the weird mystical way people often mean things like that. She went on to explain that what Mason poured into me would be there. She said, "so when you are in those moments of needing to hear her voice you can just think...what did Mason say...or what would she say?"

I thought: I would meet her and tell her about my life right now, and she would listen. Then she would look me straight in the eye and hold my hand and say, "You can't get stuck here Trace."

So here I am in the haunted house of life, and I don't want to go back and relive the last few months, and I don't want to step into the unknown future...but moving forward is the only way out.

So I pray. I am given an extra dose of bravery, and the reminder that the Lord is with me, even in the midst of this loss, grief and pain, and I take one step in front of the other.

I think it was John Wayne who said, "Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway." Interestingly, one meaning of my name is 'courage'. I always thought that meant- never afraid, ever ready to rush headlong into the fray...no, the longer I'm on this earth, the more I realize that it is often exactly as John said. My personal belief is that the courage I receive comes from God and that His Presence is with me. He is the extra dose of bravery...plus, its so nice to know that I don't have to go it alone.

Well, John...and Mase, here I go.

I would like to wish my great friend a Happy Birthday today.

She did pour life into me, as any of us are capable of doing. Discovering how to pass along life instead of strife to those around us...hmmm, now there's a thought...

So, if you will indulge me...I must wish my friend a Happy Birthday.

Dear Mason,

It's your birthday! Happy Birthday Mase!

I was remembering the other day how Bran and I would meet you for dinner (not on your birthday) and then tell our waiter or waitress how happy we were to take our friend out for her birthday...and then we would get that huge peanut butter ice cream cake brought to the table! I remember Bran saying, "Thanks for having a birthday today Mase...and well, every other day we take you out!" You just shook your head and laughed...and then, of course, helped us eat the cake.

We used to celebrate the days leading up to your birthday. I remember when the Pirate movies were coming out so we decided your birthday should be pirate themed for a few years.

We decorated your lawn: notice Christmas lights, the boat we borrowed from someone, and a Jack Sparrow cut-out that is still in our house to this day!

This is one of my favorites! You came out laughing hysterically and even posed for this pic!

Then there was that time we had a guy deliver geriatric supplies to you at work...or the time we helped to throw your surprise 60th birthday party.

I have so enjoyed celebrating you! 

Throughout the years, our relationship has been filled with celebrations!

The Houston Rodeo.

Cruise to the Bahamas.

Convertible drive through TX.

You assisting me and the bridesmaids at my wedding.

I love you Mase!

You are a forever friend.

In honor of you today, I'm distributing one of your celebratory staples...

Yes- paper napkins with funny sayings on them. 

Your 'go-to' party supply for any celebration.

In spite of how stressful life has been lately, I think of this verse, which reminds me of you:

"What, what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!" Ps. 27:13 AMP

Love,

Tracy

The way Mason lived and this verse are the inspiration for the name of this blog...

La Bonne Vie Y'all!

A Southern Spin On A French Classic

 Oeufs Durs Mayonnaise...with a Southern twist.

This dish does call for all that you see here, but they don't chop the eggs and mix it all together; but in the South we tend to mix our food together. 

I used my Pampered Chef egg slicer to chop the eggs.

The dressing is made of mayo, Dijion, lemon juice,
parsley & chives.

I mixed the dressing in a separate bowl.

I gently folded the dressing into the chopped eggs.

Typically, this dish is served (unmixed) on Boston or Bibb lettuce with olives  and cornichons,
but I had a kale and spinach mix and fresh tomatoes.
I drizzled a little Champagne vinaigrette over the greens and tomatoes.

While the French dish places just a dollop of the mayo mixture on top of halved, hard-boiled eggs, the Southern spin turns it into a true egg salad. 

La Bonne Vie Y'all!

* The full recipe can be found in the Bonne Femme Cookbook.

The Finale to Seafood Week- Success # 3! Thanks Julia!

Merci Julia!

Poisson Meuniere- one of the fist dishes Julia Child enjoyed after she arrived in France in 1949.
She had Sole, while this one was made with Grouper, equally as enchanting!

I returned to the Bonne Femme Cookbook and tried my hand at this famous dish.

While I won't give all of the details here (you really should get the cookbook- you won't be disappointed), I will show you via pictures the journey I took to create this dish!

The long and short of it is white (firm) fish lightly fried, covered in lemon, a mixture of herbs and an easy browned butter sauce.

Lightly breaded

Lightly fried

Browning Butter...the trick is melting it over medium heat until it turns a
nut-brown color and is frothy.

I used Grouper that was about 5 1/2 oz each. I also used a mixture of parsley and chives.

I served this fish with Gruyere Mashed Potatoes (basically added a little over 1/3 cup of Gruyere to mashed potatoes).
It is a beautiful dish! And extremely tasty!!!!

This dish is a quick fix, it is something I would definitely serve to company, and truly is light and a little savory at the same time.

Overall, the challenge of Seafood Week proved- Delicieux! (Delicious!)

La Bonne Vie Y'all!

Mediterranean Scallops and Artichoke- Mushroom Pasta- Success #2 On Seafood Week!

I love seafood! 

I have to admit- I was so proud of Wednesday's post!!! That Portuguese dish was not only the prettiest seafood dish I have ever made, it was one of the best tasting! It was delicious. 

So after that success, I decided it was safe to keep going! 

Look at all of that color!

 Publix to the rescue again!

This is one of their Aprons recipes. Very easy and very quick.

Ingredients for Mediterranean Scallops:

2 medium yellow squash

2 small zucchini squash

2 plum tomatoes

1/4 cup of white wine

3 Tbsp olive oil

1 1/2 tsp Italian seasoning

1/2 tsp kosher salt, divided

1/4 tsp pepper, divided

12 oz sea scallops

1/4 cup prepared shrimp scampi sauce

Ingredients for Artichoke- Mushroom Pasta:

1 small red pepper

2 Tbsp olive oil

4 oz pre-sliced baby bella mushrooms

1 (14 oz) can quartered artichokes (drained)

1 1/2 cups water

1/4 cup white wine

1 (4.6 oz) box Italian herb pasta mix

3 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

So I have this Pampered Chef slicer thing- I love it! It cut the squash evenly and quickly.

I preheated my broiler and sliced my squash and tomatoes. I combined squash, tomatoes, 1/4 cup white wine, 2 Tbsp Italian seasoning, salt and pepper. I then arranged them in a 13 x 9 pan and poured the remaining oil mixture over the top.

In the meantime, I preheated a large skillet on medium-high (about 2-3 minutes). I cut the pepper into thins strips, put 2 Tbsp of oil in the pan and then added the peppers and mushrooms. I cooked and stirred for about 2-3 minutes, until softened.

I then stirred in one of my favorites, artichokes! I added the water, the remaining wine and the contents of the seasoning packet from the pasta mix.

I brought the mixture to a boil.

I then stirred in the pasta, covered and reduced the heat to medium-low. I allowed it to cook for 8 minutes or so and stirred it occasionally so that the noodles wouldn't stick together.

Back to scallops...

I combined 1 Tbsp of olive oil, 1/4 tsp of salt, 1/8 tsp pepper and scallops. I then arranged the scallops onto of the squash mixture and placed it under the broiler for about 8 minutes (do not over cook scallops).

Timing is my biggest issue and stresser in the kitchen...but this, this was ready at the same time!!! Woo Hoo!!!
(PS- remember- don't over cook scallops. They are ready when they just turn opaque. They should be firm and beginning to brown on the top.)

Place the pasta mixture on the plate, toss scallop mixture with 1/4 scampi sauce and then arrange on top of the pasta.

This was easy! No weird ingredients- most of the stuff came right out of my pantry. Meal time was right about 35 to 40 minutes and it makes 4 decent sized servings.

Seafood success # 2!

Next stop...

One of the 1st dishes Julia Child tasted, and later rhapsodized about, when she arrived in France- Poisson Meunie're.

Challenge accepted!

La Bonne Y'all!

C'est La Semaine De La Mer- It's Seafood Week!!!

I've decided that the next 3 blogs will feature seafood! It's seafood week!!!

Seafood Cataplana in this month's Coastal Living!

This pretty dish was ready in less in 20 minutes. It's easy, it smells great while cooking, and I've got to be honest...I did a fist pump when all the clams opened up.

This is a Portuguese dish. Cataplana is the name of both the recipe and the pan that it is cooked in. A Cataplana is a Portuguese clam shaped pan. I didn't have one of those, but a large saucepan will work just fine.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp olive oil

6 to 8 ounces chorizo sausage

2 cloves of garlic, minced

1 bay leaf

1 tsp paprika

1/4 to 1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp dried crushed red pepper (optional)

1 (14 ounce) can crushed fire-roasted tomatoes, undrained

1/2 cup white wine

18 small clams in shells, scrubbed

1/2 lb peeled and deveined large raw shrimp with tails

1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley

Heat oil in saucepan over medium-high heat. Add sausage
and cook until lightly browned (about 5 minutes). Add onion
and the next 4 ingredients (and red pepper if desired).
Cook 5 minutes or until veggies are tender.

Stir in tomatoes (I used
diced instead of crushed) and wine; bring to a boil.

I got little neck clams from the Publix seafood counter. The were
already cleaned and ready for cooking.

Add clams and shrimp to the boiling sauce.
Close the lid and cook, shaking pan
occasionally, about 7 minutes or until clams
open.

Open the lid very carefully- lots of steam. (Discard any clams that do not open.)

Sprinkle with parsley and serve. It makes 2 servings.

We added a little rice to a bowl and covered it with half of the seafood and sauce.

I think this could easily make 4 servings if I added more rice to the bowl and included a crusty bread and a side salad.

I'm kinda proud of this one!

We're off to a great start on seafood week!

La Bonne Vie Y'all! 

Hooray for Publix!

I just want to say: Hooray for Publix!

Blackberry Pork Chops, Horseradish Mashed Potatoes & Spinach.

When I'm walking through their grocery store, and one of their announcements is heard over the loud speaker; they end it with: "Thank you for shopping at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure!" I audibly reply: "Yes it is!"

I actually enjoy shopping there. I love it. The aisles are large enough. If I can't find something, an employee walks me directly to the item. They take my groceries to the car...I HEART PUBLIX!

And, in honor of my great love for the store that makes it so easy for home cooks to successfully feed our families comes tonight's dinner!

This is one of their recipes, made with purchases from their store.

To make the sauce: 1 Tbsp soy sauce, 1 tsp lemon juice & 1/4 cup blackberry preserves.
The actual blackberries are just for garnish.

Sprinkle both sides of the pork chops with steak seasoning, and then coat both sides with cooking spray.
Grill for 4-5 minutes on each side until internal temperature reaches 160 degrees for medium.

In a saucepan, bring the preserves, lemon juice and soy sauce to a boil over medium heat. Stir occasionally until preserves are liquefied. Cover and remove form heat. Spoon the sauce over the pork chops. 

To speed things up, I bought a 24oz package of refrigerated mashed potatoes.

Place the potatoes in a microwave safe bowl; cover and cook on HIGH for 3 minutes.

Stir in 2 Tbsp of sour cream, 1 Tbsp of butter and 1 Tbsp of prepared horseradish. Continue cooking for 3 more minutes on HIGH.

Stir and serve!

I heated up some frozen spinach and dinner was on the table in 30 minutes!

La Bonne Vie Y'all!

Blueberries, Burgers And Haricot Verts- A Fresh Weeknight Meal.

Blueberry Turkey Burgers, Tater Tots (you know we love them) & Lemon- Rosemary Scented Haricot Verts.

In this month's Southern Living blueberries are the star!

This is a simple one, but the flavor is so fresh and light. This is a really great one for weeknight grilling.

1 lb of ground turkey, blueberries, parsley & shallots.

I mixed 1 lb of ground turkey with torn parsley, torn basil, minced shallots, chopped blueberries & salt and pepper to taste.

I used a food processor to chop blueberries and herbs.

I formed 4 patties from the turkey mixture.

In the meantime, I cooked the haricot verts in boiling water, then (once bright green) I submerged them in an ice bath to stop the cooking. I drained them and patted them dry. I then heated lemon zest, olive oil and a sprig of rosemary in a skillet for approximately 3 minutes. I tossed the rosemary sprig and then tossed the green beans until coated and heated through. I set them aside on some paper towels to soak up remaining oil.

Lemon zest, olive oil & rosemary sprig.

Be sure to spray your grill, the sugar from the berries will cause them to stick a bit. 

We topped our burgers with crumbled goat cheese- delicious!

We enjoyed this fairly fancy burger, with very little effort.

La Bonne Vie Y'all!

The Grief Cycle Is Showing Up In My Crepes...

Yea- no. Not these crepes...the first ones...well, you see it in a minute...

 So, the grief cycle goes something like this:

1- Denial

2- Anger

3- Bargaining

4- Depression

5- Acceptance

Now, psychology tells us that people can skip steps or get stuck in steps throughout our grief. So here is where I feel I have been in this cycle...

When Mason passed I think I went, as most people do, into denial. I knew she was gone, but something in me just thought: "No way, you'll see her next week."

Then I skipped anger all together and went straight to bargaining. And that's when this blog showed up. Please don't misunderstand- I really am enjoying this. It has been such a blessing to create, both cooking and writing; but I think I have been hoping that it would keep her present with me.

Enter food...

Monday night (for Bastille Day) I attempted Roasted Mushroom and Goat Cheese Stuffed Crepes.

Roasted mushrooms with shallots, olive oil, salt & pepper.

I struggle with my timing with food (everything prepared at the same time). So this, I thought, would be an easy one. While mushrooms roast I'll begin dessert: Crepes Belle Helene (crepes topped with orange poached pears and ice cream).

Oui- I'm using pre-made crepes.

I have this marvelous little device from pampered chef that
easily takes the skin right off of a pear.
It will marvelously take the skin right off of you too if you're
not careful.
(Also, that is, in fact, a Stitch cookie jar in the background.)

I let the pears simmer in a mixture of orange juice and sugar.

Letting the poached pears return to room temperature. 

Back to the Roasted Mushroom filled crepes...

It is at this point that I recognized all of my "bargaining" fall apart and give way to a hot, angry mess...

No- these are not beautifully rolled crepes filled with mushrooms, goat cheese, covered in Gruyere and sprinkled in chives. Yes- all those ingredients can be found in this dish...but they are not beautifully wrapped.

As I fumbled with (what I came to find out later) "too cool crepes", I could see the resemblance in my own grief cycle displaying itself in these disastrous crepes. 

Everything tasted great- it just looked like a hot mess. 

Which I feel is a lot like where I am right now. I notice I'm angry- furious at times. I'm angry that my friend is gone, that I can't just pick up the phone and call her, that if I drive to her house...she won't be there. Yes- I'm trying to hold it together, like these messy crepes, but my stuffings keep falling out...in tears, angry shouts to drivers on the road...to myself when I can't keep it together.

My stuffings aren't bad, just like the yummy roasted mushrooms. I'm mourning my friend. The memories I have of her are...well, delicious! And trying to hold it together in my fragile little shell...well, maybe it's time to stop being so brave.

When you warm the crepe gently (as I came to discover) it becomes
more elastic or stretchy.

The warmer and stretchier the crepe...the easier it bends and moves.

 For me, warmth has come from talking with my great friend (and one of Mason's great friends), Brandi, hugs from the Hubs, family and friends checking in to see how I'm doing, and...actually, a trip to the acupuncturist today.

I think crepes maybe my new favorite!

Truthfully, at Roasted Mushroom and Goat Cheese time I thought I was going to cry, but by dessert I had recovered. These thin pancakes kinda did a number on me Monday night; but they remind me of how strong, and also, fragile we are at times. The grief cycle helps...we don't have to feel everything all at once. But, wow...how important it is to surround ourselves with warmth!

It truly is La Bonne Vie Y'all!